I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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