All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
