you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
