My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
