Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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