Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
its not stalking. its research.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
