so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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