Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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