He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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