finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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