I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
