i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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