im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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