i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i now understand why vodka
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
