Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
