im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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