i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
