brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You smell like stripper and shame
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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