Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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