The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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