all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
