Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
