her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
