He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
