My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
