I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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