How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
