He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
