honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
