literally had 100 drinks last night.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
