I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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