It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
