literally had 100 drinks last night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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