I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
