I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
