We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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