I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
