4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
