maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
