i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
