How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
