Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
