i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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