he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
