Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
