I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
