I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
