She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
