I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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