these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
