yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
