Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
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I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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