We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
