Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We need to get me chipped asap
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
