thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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