Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
