i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
