Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
