marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
