my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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