Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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