Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
