my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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