I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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