I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We got so high we made milksteak
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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