Apparently you make a good broom.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
