Where is the hickey?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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