This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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