I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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