Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
