Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
