those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
