Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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