i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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