that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
