Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My bed smells like the plague
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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