Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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