I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
