Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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