Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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